OMG Lists

It seems that right now every celebrity there is has their own Twitter account to let the public in on their ever so fascinating thoughts and life. It just makes it so much more regrettable that at times when there were even more interesting public figures around we never got to see what they had to say in 140 characters or less. These are 7 we wish had Twitter and some samples of the kid of Tweets the world missed out on.

7- Abraham Lincoln

The 16th President of the United States had a lot on his plate while he was in the office, so he might not have had much time for Twitter. But if he did, maybe he could have avoided that whole pesky Civil War business. After all, what better way to bring people together than Twitter ?hen again most of his tweets would probably end up being about how crazy his wife was. And not in the "oh boy is my wife crazy!" way but in the "my wife is suffering from schizophrenia" way. But the best part of Lincoln being on Twitter is that we probably could have gotten his thoughts so far of "Our American Cousin" at intermission. We never got to find out how he liked it!

abelinkin Please don't name some gawdy monument after me. Just some tiny logs will do.

abelinkin Unfollowing @jwbooth, his tweets are boring. In other news I'm off to the theater.

abelinkin Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the propos

6- Hellen Keller

We all know the amazing story of Hellen Keller and how she overcame the immense obstacle of being deaf and blind to become a prominent author, activist and all around really smart person. But you know what would have been even cooler? If she had managed to figure out Twitter too. She could have documented her incredible journey and lent her wisdom to any number of trending topics. What's the use of overcoming multiple disabilities to become a miraculous scholar if you're not going to comment on the latest celebrity news?

hellskells Just had a sandwich.Don't care if it's a boring tweet, the fact that I can type is fuckin amazing. Could have used some water, @annesullivan

5- Moses

Now, the biggest problem standing in the way of Moses getting a Twitter is the fact that he supposedly lived to 120. Imagine your grandma trying to figure out Twitter and then add like 50 years to that. But if he could get over that barrier, Twitter would be a real godsend for old Mo. Ever since he encountered that burning bush (which I'm pretty sure is a strip club in the holy land), all Moses did was listen to God and repeat what he had to say to the Israelites who he was leading to the land of milk and honey (I believe that's the gay joint across the street). Twitter would allow him to cut down on a lot of the travel time between talking to the man upstairs and his followers. They're just a RT away!

mosferatu RT @Yahweh you shall not commit adultery

mosferatu RT @Yahweh you shall not steal

mosferatu Sorry for all the RTs, @Yahweh had a lot to say on top of Mount Sinai today.

4- Julius Caesar

The man who helped to transform the Roman Republic into the Roman Empire (conveniently trying to make himself Emperor in the process) would have benefited from Twitter in much the same way modern politicians do. Get his message out there quickly and efficiently. Plus he could have gotten a reputation as a kind leader by giving a tweet in advance of sending an army to conquer new territory, just to let people get ready. Caesar was also known at the time for the prolific "Commentaries" that he wrote about the events of wars and conquests he led, so being on Twitter would have allowed him to share his thoughts with the public without going on a long-winded diatribe that dictators are so fond of.

J-Ceez Just made a delicious salad with croutons and parmesan cheese. Calling it the "Julius special" for now.

J-Ceez Losing a lot of followers recently. Et tu @Brutus?

3- Jesus Christ

Jesus' whole deal was spreading the word of God and the kingdom of Heaven and all that jazz, so Twitter would have been perfect for his needs. He could say all the same things that were considered "blasphemous" at the time, but from the privacy of his own dirt floored shack rather than a public square. That probably would have cut down on the likelihood of crucifixion by a lot. Plus if we just had an archive of tweets maybe we wouldn't have 4 different versions of the story floating around. And we could see if he ever actually tweeted about how much he hates gay marriage.

SonOGod Enjoy it while it lasts @aplusk, one day I will have the most followers on Earth.

SonOGod @Judas acting weird at dinner. Gave me a big hug and kiss in front of some Roman guards. Greedily pawing at sack of coins.

It's f-ing hard to tell a parable in 140 characters.

2- Howard Hughes

The famous aviator, industrialist and all around crazy rich dude, Howard would probably have one of the most entertaining Twitter accounts ever. Sure, it would be like watching an episode of "Obsessed," but oh what an episode it would be. There is not room here to list all of Howard's crazy antics, but do yourself a favor and look his story up. From locking himself in a movie screening room for 4 months to living in hotels with his wife and multiple girlfriends, Howard was an eccentric rich man in the truest sense. If only VH1 celebreality shows had existed when he was around. Now THAT would have been quality TV.

ShoMeBluPrints This fork is not the proper fork for sorting my peas by size this is unacceptable.

ShoMeBluPrints Running out of jars to urinate into, but luckily still have enough candy bars to last a few more months.

ShoMeBluPrints On the 137th viewing of Ice Station Zebra and I'm still finding new things to enjoy.

ShoMeBluPrints Why am I getting weird looks? I have a napkin covering my genitals. You'd think I was stark naked.

1- Anne Frank

For the most famous Holocaust victim, Twitter really would have been perfect. We all read her diary, and let's be honest, some of the entries got a bit lengthy. Who knew there was so much to write about in an attic? But with Twitter she could have kept to a few 140 character tweets a day and still recorded her thoughts throughout the miserable experience. That way she could cut straight to the point. It would save a lot of grade schoolers across the world a lot of reading.

DiaryGrrl Please don't #followfriday me, that's like the opposite of what I want! My profile is private for G-d's sake!

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