The reality show judge is an interesting job. No discernable skill is required, so each judge must come up with a way to prove they actually deserve to judge the worth of other human beings. But no judge has had more success than Simon Cowell, a man that became famous for being a jerk and then seen as a loveable jerk because he is famous. So naturally every reality show judge wishes they could capture some of that Cowell charm. But some realllly want to.
6- Donald Trump
Sure, Donald Trump is one of the richest guys around. You think he'd be happy as is. But he seems to spend most of his time these days trying to prove what an opinionated jerk he can be (lest we forget his feud with Rosie), and that extends right into The Apprentice. He extends the the Simon Cowell brand of "brutal honesty" to the boardroom to let people know exactly how they failed during their tasks. Of course insulting someone's singing or looks to their face like Simon does is entertaining. Doing the same for how they managed their team while selling cupcakes isn't. Sorry Donald, keep trying. Kicking Chloe Kardashian off for having a DUI is a step in the right direction!
5- Toby Young
When Toby Young rolled onto the latest season of Top Chef he had a clear goal in mind: become the hardass judge that everyone is afraid of and therefore the star of the show. The result? A baby-faced little bald man spouting pre-rehearsed lines about how much he hated dishes being ignored by the other judges. It was a good stab at impersonating Simon Cowell sending his dinner back at a restaurant, Toby, but it just didn't cut it. Luckily since all that seems to matter on that show is what head judge Tom Colicchio think it didn't matter how many carefully written insults he tossed at contestants. Plus I guarantee if he spent 5 minutes in Hell's Kitchen with Gordon Ramsay he would be in tears.
4- Piers Morgan
Although already infamous in England, Americans did not know much about Piers Morgan until he showed up on the surprise summer hit America's Got Talent alongside David Hasselhoff as a judge. He essentially became a Simon Cowell clone that was allowed to insult all kinds of talented people/freaks, not just singers. And really, who hasn't been waiting for a smug Brit with a chip on his shoulder to put some jugglers in their place? What this show adds is the ability for the judges to "X" contestants with a loud buzzing sound. Like if they gave Simon Cowell an air horn to blast in bad singer's ears. Unfortunately for Piers, he lacks the charisma of Mr. Cowell, which means he's just a mean limey prick.
3- Gordon Ramsay
If there's anyone who can strip a talented person of all their self-worth faster than Simon, it's Gordon Ramsay, the loud-mouthed British host of Hell's Kitchen. Granted, professional chefs have to be hard-willed and ready to stand up to constant abuse and insults, but Ramsay has sent more than a handful of contestants who were probably great cooks back to the McDonald's deep fryer as a result of his constant barrage of British anger and hatred. He even hosts a show on which he saves failing restaurants, and he still manages to come across as a dick. Maybe he should try to emulate some of Simon's more pleasant qualities?
2- Nigel Lythgoe
Sure he's British, but is Nigel rude? No. Does he wear skin tight shirts? No. Does he seem more interested in himself than anyone on stage? No. Then why would I say he wants to be Simon Cowell? Because even though Simon has to put up with the drug-addled, incoherent ramblings of Paula Abdul right beside him every week, it's a hell of a lot better than having to sit next to Nigel's fellow judge Mary Murphy. Each week on So You Think You Can Dance? she finds a new way to become the most annoying creature on tv, usually by making her trademark scream even more grating or finding a new way to mention her beloved "hot tamale train." I think Nigel would literally kill to switch places with Simon. Especially if he was killing Mary Murphy. His eardrums must crave revenge!
1. Any of the other Idol judges
Let's face it, even if most reality show judges wish they had Simon's fame and infamy, at least they get to be stars on their relative shows. But for the other 3 American Idol judges it is a constant struggle for attention. As far as most viewers are concerned they are just the opening acts for what Simon has to say. Randy, saying "dawg" every 14 seconds will only get you so much attention. Paula, you should consider making some sense if you want anyone to pay attention to your judging. Kara, who are you again? Sorry ladies and gentleman, but it has always been Simon Cowell and friends on your show and it shows no sign of changing. But hey, on the bright side at least you haven't been fired!
Why don't you read these related OMGLists, you nitwit?!
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