The release of Watchmen is fast approaching, and you know what that means: it's almost time for the internet to become filled with nerds complaining about what they did wrong. When you take the most respected book in the entire comic community and make it into a blockbuster movie, some internet backlash is bound to occur. But what are you going to hear comic nerds ranting about as they leave the midnight showing? Here's a handy guide of what to expect.
6. "They changed the dialogue!"
When it comes to anything written by Alan Moore, for comic fans you might as well be talking about the Bible. In fact, scratch that. I think even fundamental Christians have the occasional doubt about what they're reading. But not for Moore devotees, who revere each word like a tiny angel that is whispering truths of the world into their ears. So when it comes to any adaptation of his work, fans go in with a negative opinion knowing that the dialogue will have been altered. And they're not wrong, Alan is a talented wordsmith, but there's no sense in complaining about every change. As long as I don't hear "Dudes, I totally did it 35 minutes ago" I'll be pretty happy.
5. "I have to buy Tales of the Black Freighter separately?!"
Tales of the Black Freighter is a story-within-a-story in Watchmen. A pirate comic read by a young boy, it parallels the events of the Watchmen universe thematically as well as tells it's own engaging tale. However, with a core story that is already being trimmed for time, there was no way to fit the story into the movie where it belongs. The solution? Animate it and put it out on DVD to bring in some extra nerd bucks! Of course this is going to upset some die hard fans, who will refuse to see why it couldn't be featured in the main event. There's just no pleasing some people.
4. "They ruined (insert character here)!"
With an ensemble cat of characters like there is in the Watchmen movie, fans are liable to have different favorites. And you know what that means? All the more opportunity to hear about how the film crapped all over said favorite character and ruined them forever. Maybe Nite Owl wasn't fat and pathetic enough. Or Rorschach's voice sucked. Or Ozymandias is just too much of a pale pansy. No matter what character and what complaint, there will be plenty of hostility to go around.
3. "Too much CGI!"
There's a problem with a movie like Watchmen when it comes to capturing all the action and craziness that goes on. You need a lot of CGI to pull it off, but when you start relying on too many special effects rather than actual actors you end up with the Star Wars prequels, and I think most nerds can agree we do not want that. Watchmen is a superhero story, but ultimately the real story revolves around the characters and themes and not the action, so director Zack Snyder had a fine line to tread between making it entertaining and retaining the true spirit of the book. And the biggest risk is putting in too much slow motion action. If you played every slow motion scene in 300 (Snyder's last comic film) at regular speed I think the movie would have been 37 minutes. The guy likes to slow things down. If he overuses it expect to hear about it.
2. "They cut out a crucial scene!"
The nature of a project like Watchmen is that the graphic novel is so huge that lines, scenes and whole chunks must be cut out to make it work as a feature film that people will sit through. Of course, as soon as any part get cuts out it immediately becomes angry fans' favorite part from the original book. Forget about how well done the scene they did commit to were done, fanboys are far more likely to flock to their blogs to let the world know about which parts were left out and how horrible the filmmakers are for skipping their favorite line.
1. "They ruined the ending!"
Yep, the ending. I won't be explicit, but if you don't want to risk having any idea what the ending might be like, stop reading now. Ok, are they gone? Good, they were weird anyway. Now we can go on. So, the ending. It's part of what makes Watchmen such a memorable graphic novel, and god help them, the filmmakers have changed it. They just decided not to serve calamari at the end (those who have read it know what I'm talking about). Is the new ending good? Does it work? Is it a better fit for the film medium? Who cares! They changed it! Those jerks.
You may not be able to watch the Watchmen just yet, but we've got these awesome comic lists in the meantime!
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