There used to be a better era, when as children, we would be whisked off for the summer by our parents and left near the forest with some strangers for months at a time. Since those days are so fondly remembered by so many, Hollywood took notice and started producing films and television shows that accurately detailed those experiences. Here are the 7 Sweetest Fictional Summercamps.
7- Camp Crystal Lake from Friday the 13th
The Camp and its Clientele:
In the late 50s, Camp Crystal Lake appeared to be the average summer camp where preoccupied parents would drop off their time-consuming kids. However, this needy-youth dumping ground fell under scrutiny and was closed when a pair of canoodling teens were murdered during a heavy petting session. A few counselors tried to reopen it in the 80s to dire results, and since then the kids can't stop frequenting and then get horrifically murdered at this camp.
Why Attend Camp Crystal Lake?
If you're a teenage boy inexperienced in the art of body caressing, this is the place to go and polish up on your skills, because for whatever reason the ladies here are ready and willing to let your hands do some talking.
Why Stay Home?
The biggest complaint most would raise is that after said heavy petting sessions, you're very likely to receive some sort of sharp instrument to your face, usually resulting in death.
6- Camp Kikakee from Ernest Goes to Camp
The Camp and its Clientele:
The scenic Camp Kikakee located in Nashville, Tennessee, sits atop one of the largest petrocite mineral deposits in the world. Sadly, this often makes it target for greedy land developers who wish to get their hands on this precious and possibly fictitious mineral. Fortunately, the camp employs a potentially mentally deficient janitor by the name of Ernest P. Worrel, who will exhaust every means to protect his place of employment, and in doing so, will subject his frail body to much physical, yet humorous, harm.
Why Attend Camp Kikakee?
Because, like myself, you could watch Ernest clean toilets all day. That is a genius perfecting his craft.
Why Stay Home?
Some people might find the repeated antics of Mr. Worrel a bit aggravating. If you don't find a squished up face frequently going "Ewwwww" hilarious, you could be in for a very long summer.
5- Camp Nowhere from Camp Nowhere
The Camp and its Clientele:
As soon as a grownup becomes involved with a youth activity, you can immediately assume that it won't involve anything that today's profound children enjoy or want. Adults are boring, out of touch, and completely unable to understand fun. That's why Camp Nowhere--a camp designed for and by kids--is so revolutionary. Today's sophisticated children are completely self-sufficient and those antiquated summer camps where adults try to teach morals and ethics from experience are no longer useful. Soon children will enslave us all.
Why Attend Camp Nowhere?
Camp Nowhere bypasses the old notion that our elders serve a meaningful purpose and instead creates a camp where kids can jump on mattresses for hours while sweet guitar solos play in the background.
Why Stay Home?
Unfortunately a few kids may have not completely mastered that sense of responsibility thing, and without parental supervision they will probably die.
4- Camp Northstar from Meatballs
The Camp and its Clientele:
Camp Northstar provides prudent parents with an opportunity to get rid of their kids for the summer without breaking the bank. Regrettably, the adjacent Camp Mohawk, which is filled with a wealthier and more able clientele, leaves some of these kids with a feeling of inadequacy. Fortunately for these destitute campers, Northstar's star counselor,Tripper, doesn't see dollar signs. His zany personality and half-cooked schemes even the playing field, teaching the impressionable youth that money and privilege are no match for the foibles of a seemingly schizophrenic camp counselor in his mid-30s.
Why Attend Camp Northstar?
The unique personalities of these campers and counselors is something money can't buy, but what money could buy you is a superior camp no further than 100 yards from this band of aloof kooks.
Why Stay Home?
Who better to teach your children valuable life lessons at an extremely impressionable age than a man who seems to have a psychiatric disorder and is apparently attracted to women who resemble 13-year-old boys?
3- Camp Hope from Heavyweights
The Camp and its Clientele:
Camp Hope is summer camp designed to take overweight youth and trim them down to a size society deems healthier. Yet, it's been scientifically proven that there's nothing harmful or wrong with being a bit husky, so when camps are created to trim down portliness in youth to prevent the mythical "diabetes" or "heart disease," it's tough to root for that misguided establishment.
Why Attend Camp Hope?
Probably because some out-of-touch, vegetable-eating, health nut got a hold of the ear of the parent of a generously-proportioned youths and filled his or her head with all sorts of crazy lies regarding the correlation between poor physical health and obesity.
Why Stay Home?
The campers get repeatedly told that they aren't living their lives properly. A word of advice to the large youth of America: if someone tells you to make a lifestyle change that requires work and discipline, they are really telling you that they want to be eaten.
2- Camp Anawanna from Salute Your Shorts
The Camp and its Clientele:
Usually, as adolescents become teenagers, their days of camp come to an end. However, if it's deemed that one more summer spent amidst nature's splendor will do them good, what better place to do it than at a camp with only one inadequate counselor. At Camp Anawanna, one man with an alarmingly low IQ is responsible for making sure a group of stereotypes, including the nerd, the jock, the bully, the preppy, and the fat kid, all grow as people and improve their self-esteem through relationship building. They also regularly shame one another by hoisting their underwear up flagpoles.
Why Attend Camp Anawanna?
Well, for the camper it seems like an obvious choice. Here you answer to no one (except Budnick and Donkey Lips on occasion). While as a parent, you send your child here because you don't care about their well-being.
Why Stay Home?
The camp's backup prank known as "The Awful Waffle" is as dangerous as it is mysterious. All we know is that it involves a tennis racket and maple syrup. Although we've seen movies that prove the two work well together, the sinister name of the act has us worried.
1- Camp Firewood from Wet Hot American Summer
The Camp and its Clientele:
From the outside, Camp Firewood seems like your common, everyday summer camp where regular kids go to make new friendships and learn a little bit about themselves. However, the reality is much more insidious. Counselors regularly engage in elderly robberies, drug deals and gay sex in boathouses. And when the youth see their older role models partake in such debauchery, one of three things happens: (1) they mimic it, (2) they vote Republican, or (3) both (this is the most likely).
Why Attend Camp Firewood?
Because you love to party and the establishment has held you back for too long. Also, there's a rumor that the slutty counselor makes out with the campers and you consider yourself very sexually mature for your age.
Why Stay Home?
If you have a strong sense of decency and moral correctness, if you no longer see any humor in poop and pee jokes, or if you've taken God and Bill O'Reilly's perspective on men kissing other men, you might want to avoid Camp Firewood.
