You needn't look in your parents' yearbook to find truly laughable haircuts in this day and age. The following five styles are enjoying extreme popularity, despite looking completely and utterly ridiculous.
5- Weaves
Celebrities are an interesting bunch. Some give their money to charities. Others give their money to Charity, that sex worker out on 51st and Vine. But most of them blow a big wad of their hard-earned cash on their looks. In Hollywood it's important to keep your look fresh so starlets will be sporting super-short hairstyles one day and then letting their locks fall to the smalls of their backs the next. This seemingly miraculous feat is accomplished through the magic of weaves. If it's done well the look is practically seamless, if it's not...a few weeks later you wind up looking like a baby-doll who's been abandoned by its owner in a gutter where it's been chewed upon and then barfed up by rabid dogs. Just check out Britney above. I think the description fits. Too bad when the weave craze started so many girls got caught up in it. Now streets everywhere are crawling with zombie baby-dolls. I hope you've been practicing for the impending apocalypse.
4- The Bob
This cut has got to be one of the most popular styles on the planet. It's difficult to walk down the street and not see at least several girls sporting this look. Oh, and when I say "girls" I mean GIRLS--as in "underage children". Why are so many women looking back to their youth for fashion advice? Don't we all want to forget the missteps of our totally non-fashion-conscious selves? Bangs cut straight across are not sexy, Bettie Paige understood this so she incorporated angles into her style and--voila!--pin-ups everywhere did the same and the world of sex appeal was never the same. (Okay, the fact that nudity was becoming more popular in men's magazines might have helped the industry too.) From behind the bob suggests the wearer has donned a bowling ball made of hair--not exactly how most women would like their style described. .
3- Unisex Emo Hair
First it was the music. All whiny and sappy and sad. "No one loves me! Everybody hates me! I'm going to go dig up some worms! Waaaaaa!" Then came the ridiculous make-up. Black nail polish looks great on Halloween if you're trying to match your witch costume, and if your name isn't Robert Smith you have no business wearing that much eyeliner. But these days emo kids have taken pathetic to a whole new level-- that miserable hair. Short in the back if you're a dude, long if you're a girl, and piece-y bangs in the front for both genders. I applaud the attempt at a unisex goal, but too bad they crash and burn and all of them just look like disasters. How about you silly emo kids just put down your flat irons and black hair dye and try getting out in the sun for a change? Maybe smell a flower or something and quit your moaning. Or at least go step on a bee so you have something legitimate to complain about.
2- The Quiff
Some guys are able to achieve this look merely by sleeping on their faces, but others are forced to spend a good deal of time and quantity of product in order to get their hair to reach the maximum height for their quiff. For those of you not in the know, the quiff is a look that basically involves the front tuft of hair sticking straight up. Hot stuff, no? No. The look was originally made famous by the Belgian reporter, Tintin in the 1930's. Oh did I mention that he was a comic book character and is huge everywhere else except the US?! Personally I wouldn't want to try to look like a comic book character, but you boys have fun trying to look two-dimensional! Especially when the end result makes you look like you just walked face first smack into a wall. .
1- The Fauxhawk
We all the know Mohawk-one of Punk music's everlasting gift to the hairstyle scene. It's edgy, long-lasting and definitely hard to miss. But then there's the fauxhawk. You're not really quite sure what it's all about. First of all it's hard to tell if someone is actually sporting one or if they just forgot to brush their hair that morning. Second, even when they are wearing it on purpose it makes them look like a cross between a rooster and a raptor (yes I know the two are evolutionarily related). Third, and most importantly, the fauhawk is the biggest red flag for a pansy-ass ever. It just screams, "Please, oh please think I'm a hard core punk rocker. Just check out my awesome almost Mohawk. No really, it's legit--I'M legit. I just haven't made the commitment to shave off the rest of my hair yet. I'm totally going to do it though. I just have to ask my mom. And I know she'll like totally let me do it. Right after church this Sunday. So you guys wanna go listen to some Fall Out Boy?"
