This list is for all of those who sadly have to spend Valentines Day alone. Hope this list finds you well.
5- Get Drunk
Go ahead. Why not? It can be kind of depressing to be around on Valentines Day without someone to at least give you a phone call to say "I love you". So get drunk. It doesn't matter. Before the concept of drinking together in a social setting was the idea of drinking alone and soaking your wounds. So, go ahead. I'm not going to judge you and neither should anyone else reading this. Spend Valentines Day with Jim and Jack they might listen to you when you talk.
4- Celebrate Frederick Douglas Day
Although his exact birthday is not official many historians believe that Frederick Douglas was born on Valentines Day. As a former slave Douglas fled his master and became a leader in the Abolitionist movement. So if the idea of not being able to spend some time with the person you love is getting you upset celebrate a leader in African American history. Hell, get enough people on board and you can make this a federal holiday.
3- Remember the St. Valentines Day Massacre
79 years ago Al Capone's gang killed five members of "Bugs" Moran's gang and an innocent bystander on Chicago's North Side. This act shut down Morans reputation in Chicago and made national news. I know it's not the best thing to remember on Valentines Day but hey if you're alone and breathing your better off then those people. If you took my advice from number five then pour out a little drink for fallen soldiers.
2- Get married
In the middle ages people believe the first unmarried person you meet in the morning on Valentines Day would be your spouse. So hop to it. The divorce rate in this country is fifty percent so you have a coin toss' chance of making it out of this thing. There are plenty of quick wedding solutions including going down to the courthouse or heading to Vegas. Give it a shot. You may turn out all right. If romantic comedies taught me anything its that quirky romance situations usually turn out alright. Get off your ass and go get hitched.
1- Attack some foreigners
Only a few countries celebrate Valentines Day. The US, Canada, Mexico, France, Australia, and the UK celebrate cupid's wrath. So, meet up with some friends join an alliance and wage war on other countries to celebrate this sacred day. The US knows how to start a war with out permission so lets get at it and stir some shit up! This year may not be the start of a ground war to ensure that other countries have the freedom to mail ninety-nine cent cards to each other but start putting together a strategy. I know I can't sleep a wink until the rest of the world has little candy hearts and Hannah Montana Valentines Day cards at their disposal.
